Playing for fun vs. playing to win
June 11, 2008 @ 9:47 a.m. by Joannaby joanna
I have to admit that I loved Jim Cross’ post on the “Playing Sports: When did you start?”
This is what he said: “I started when I was about 4 or 5 and that is about 55 years ago. Played any sport that I could. We grew up old school, you always keep score, no playing just for fun.”
I had to laugh about the keeping score.
I’m a big proponent in my house of teaching the boys that their soccer and t-ball games are for fun, not for worrying about winning and losing. But they are 5 and 3. They are ultra competitive anyway, so my husband and I work to point out that the goal is to learn, get better, have fun and be a good teammate and a good sport.
The way I look at it is there’s plenty of time for a cutthroat competitive outlook.
But I get Jim Cross’ point. It’s how I grew up. It didn’t matter if we were playing tether ball, basketball, football, kickball, dodgeball or work-up, we kept score and there was a winner and a loser. And that was OK.
(If you don’t know what work-up is — it’s when we didn’t have enough players for a baseball game, so we’d have a pitcher, hitter, fielders where we needed them and ghost runners. It was the best.)
Winning and losing is an important part of sports for people of all ages, and thanks to Jim Cross, I was reminded of it. I want my kids to be good winners and good losers. It’s why I always beat them when we wrestle. ( I said I was competitive!) It’s why we play by rules in board games. It’s why I let them win when we have races. (Otherwise they’d always lose.)
I think I’ve been so caught up in making sure that I’m not like the crazy parents who only care about winning and being undefeated and beating other teams as badly as possible, that I forgot that it’s OK to care. It doesn’t have to be old school.
Your thoughts?
June 11th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
When my kids were in grade school I would always cringe when I heard parents say to their kids “you are just playing for fun so the score doesn’t matter”. In my opinion it matters, I agree with you that kids have to learn to be good losers because life is all about winning and losing in some fashion, it never stops. They have to fail in life to learn from the experience. The more important part is teaching them to feel OK when they do lose.
We would tell our kids it is OK to lose the game as long as you tried your best, there is always going to be a winner and loser and it is OK to lose if you gave it your all. We raised them for their goal to be winning the game, not just have fun, but rather it is more fun when you win (isn’t that the truth?), you learn the lesson of what accomplishment feels like. People might disagree with that, but do you tell them to go to school to have fun, it doesn’t matter what your grades are? Will you tell them that when they grow up and have a job it won’t matter if they win the contract as long they are having fun trying?
There are ways to teach the game of winning and losing at every age and I think it is an important lesson.
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June 11th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Great post, Sports Gal. I definitely agree with you.
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June 11th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
While you are playing for fun, remember to play to get better also.
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June 11th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Is there anything other than playing to win? Seriously. If a score is being kept then it’s play to win.
Anything else would be uncivilized.
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June 11th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
I could disagree with both of you and I do. If you cringed about hearing that from a parent then you very well may have heard me say the very same thing. The early years (just stating “grade school” is too broad a period of time) of four to seven should be more about becoming familier with the game and learning to work as a team. The score? Who cares? My kids learned to be competitive enough without being drilled with the winner/loser issues at such an early age.
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June 11th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Commish:
I respect your opinion, but grade school goes way beyond the age of seven, and you’re right it is too broad, that is why I finished it with there is a lesson to learn at every age. And, you can teach the winner/loser issues without it being “drilled”.
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June 11th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
I always thought winning was the fun part. I understand why parents tell their kids to play for fun, but life is a competition whether it is for sports or for a position at work. I think you can stress the fun to a certain age, but at some point (which I am not sure what age this is) they need to understand that winning is an important part of life. I would say at least by 6th grade that they need to start being more competitive. I don’t understand why if it was good enough for us that we should start changing things now. I am a very competitive person and it has helped me not just in athletics but in my professional career now. Not everyone can be a winner, it is sad, but it is the truth. It is a dog eat dog world, especially if you are dog owned by Michael Vick. If you want you kids to be successful in life they better learn about winning at some point.
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June 16th, 2008 at 10:52 am
I think “Competing” should replace “Winning” in this discussion. People who learn to “Compete” take losses in life much better and it makes them stronger as people. People who learn to “WIN” usually dont handle adversity well because they consider themselves “Losers” when they don’t. What is the negative opposite of “Competiting”? I would much rather have my kids know as competitiors in life than winners, because you are stating their are losers when you do. Just my thought.
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